I
recently attended a seminar geared towards women who are attempting to
balance work-life and home-life. The
message was this: people, women in particular, need to stop doing what we
believe we should be doing, and start
doing what we want to do.
Sounds
easy, right?
Well,
the problem is that we don’t know what we want to do. No, seriously – we are so caught up in our
obligations & what we have to do, that we have no real idea what we enjoy. The attendees of the seminar were asked to
fill in 3 columns, one each for the skills, strengths, & experiences we
were most proud of. Turns out, this is
really hard. Much harder than I thought
it would be. Are you trying it now? (You should be!) Once you are able to identify at least 10
items in each category, read through the lists and circle the 3 choices in each
category that give you the most pleasure.
There. You’ve identified it. This
is what you want to be doing. Now what?
Now,
you make changes to your life to incorporate what you want to be doing, what
makes you happy. It sounds crazy, I
know. Let’s say I want a totally
different career path ... I can’t just up & quit! I have responsibilities, obligations, and,
most importantly, bills! But, if you
make changes on the edges of your life, rather than attempting to change your
entire life at once (ie, changing your career), you can make it happen – you
can be doing what you want to do. And
the best way to make it happen, is by visioning. Yes, you heard me ... Visioning:
FOCUS
Making
a change in one narrow area in your life will have a ripple effect. We get stuck whenever we let everything
that needs to be changed snowball in our minds.
So, quitting our job may not be a possibility, but that doesn’t prevent
us from making any changes. Start making
small changes to move towards that other career path – network, meet people,
learn the industry, educate yourself.
ADD
IN DETAILS
You
can’t truly picture the change in your life without detailing what that change
would look like. Think of the power of the
element of specificity. As human beings,
we are just bombarded with details in our day to day lives that our brain
filters out. But once you decide on
something, you see it everywhere. For
example, I was looking to buy a new car.
I test drove a Honda Pilot & fell in love. Did I need this big a car? No, but my mind was set on it. I began to see Honda Pilots everywhere. I’m talking everywhere. Did more Honda
Pilots just happen to appear on the roads & in parking lots conveniently
after I test drove one? Not likely. What happened was, I decided on a Honda Pilot. I
added the details, picturing myself driving this vehicle, being higher up above
the traffic, having more space for the kids, the dogs, the groceries. And my brain let the Honda Pilots – that were
already all over the road – through my filter.
So, how does this apply to our career example? Start adding in the details of the small
changes you want to make. Don’t just
imagine yourself in a new career, but picture the steps to get there – see
yourself meeting new people. Where will
you meet them? Conferences, networking
events, seminars? How will you get the
education that you need? Online, through
simple research, or by enrolling in something more substantial? Once you specifically identify the change you
want to make and color in the details of how you’ll achieve this, you’ll start
to see the possibilities and opportunities everywhere.
STAY
POSITIVE
Visioning
only works when you picture what you want, not what you don’t want. We move toward and create that which we think
about. We (women especially!) tend to
foresee the worst by worrying and trying to avoid catastrophe all the time - so
this vision of the “worst” is what we move toward & create. By flipping this on its head and picturing
what we want, rather than what we want to avoid, we are creating a goal and a
vision to move toward. Don’t imagine
yourself stuck at a job you loathe forever, losing your job entirely, or not
being successful in a new career. While
these are valid fears, it won’t help you to color in the details or achieve
your goal. Instead, focus on the
positive, exciting images of the changes you want to make.
By
identifying what we want and visioning ourselves, in detail, making a change,
we are able to create the change in our lives.
It is important to keep in mind, especially with work-life balance, that
your priorities are going to shift over time.
The plan in your mind for the next twenty five years may not work for
you ten years from now. So don’t plan
for twenty five years from now – just plan for now. Make positive changes that work for you now,
six months from now, one year from now.
And then constantly reassess, reevaluate, and re-plan. Make being happy and satisfied your goal, and
then adjust the details along the way.
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